ビニ☆ (sourremon) wrote,
ビニ☆
sourremon

Love advices

Title: Love Advices
Author: sourremon  
Rating: PG-13
Paring: EunHae, HanChul, KangTeuk, KyuMin, YeWook, ZhouRy
Genre: Fail!Crack, Humor, Implied!Smut
Summary: Donghae wants a love advise and ends up asking Heechul.
Written as text messages and Facebook statuses
 
LOVE ADVICES

To: Umma <3
From: Donghae
Hyung, help? T_T

To: Donghae
From: Leeteuk
Can it wait? I’m very busy with schedules now :(

To: Umma <3
From: Donghae
It was a question actually.

To: Donghae
From: Leeteuk
Heechul’s in the dorms. Ask him ;)

To: Umma <3
From: Donghae
I’m not really sure about that..

To: Donghae
From: Leeteuk
DW. He will *probably* help. We’ll talk when I get back.

To: Umma <3
From: Donghae
Promise? T_T

To: Donghae
From: Leeteuk
Of course. Gotta go now. Manager-hyung is calling for me :/

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Um.. hyung? Can I kinda.. ask you sth?

To: Unknown
From: Heechul
Who are you?? :/

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
It’s Donghae =.=

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Oh..

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
That sounded like you’re disappointed.. ;((

To: Hangeng
From: Donghae
Hyung! Heechul-hyung hates me /cries

To: Donghae
From: Hangeng
That’s not true =.= He shows his affection differently ;)

To: MyPrincess
From: Hangeng
Donghae’s crying you know..

To: MyPrince
From: Heechul
I didn’t do anything!

To: MyPrincess
From: Hangeng
Heechul.. U_U

To: MyPrince
From: Heechul
Okay, okay.. Pff =.=

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Sorry, I didn’t have your number. That’s it.

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
A-and you don’t hate me?

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
I don’t!

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Btw, why did you text me in the first place?

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
I wanted to ask something that bugs me but umma was busy.. He sent me to you ^_^’

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Haha, what!? You want an advice on how to get into Hyuk’s pants or something? 8DD

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Actually, yes n_n

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Why the fuck Donghae is asking me how to fuck Hyuk?

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Don’t you dare to ignore me now!

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
PARK JUNGSU, ANSWER ME NAO! @__@

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Answer me or I will *actually* answer him 8D

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
FINE! Ignore me!

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Fuck you!

To: Kangin
From: Heechul
Why the hell Teuk’s not answering his phone?

To: Heechul
From: Kangin
And you’re asking me because..?

To: Kangin
From: Heechul
LMFAO! Do I *really* need to answer to that? Should I send *that* video to everyone? >D

To: Heechul
From: Kangin
YOU *&#&$*($()!

To: Kangin
From: Heechul
I love you too <3

To: Chinaman
From: Kangin
Your lover is harassing me! >_>

To: Kangin
From: Hangeng
Why is everyone texting *ME* when they have problems with Chullie T_T ???

To: Chinaman
From: Kangin
Because you’re the good part from HanChul, lol 8’D

To: Chinaman
From: Kangin
The *only* good part ;)

To: Kangin
From: Hangeng
That’s mean! Don’t you dare talk about Heechul like that! He’s an angel!

To: Chinaman
From: Kangin
LMFAO WUT?!!

To: Kangin
From: Hangeng
Okay, maybe he’s a little evil and bitchy sometimes..

To: Chinaman
From: Kangin
SOMETIMES? xDDDDD

To: Kangin
From: Hangeng
BUT HE’S A FUCKING *SEXY* BITCH, OKAY. NOW STFU!

To: Chinaman
From: Kangin
LOLOLOLOL

To: Heechul
From: Kangin
IDK why, okay?! =.=

To: Kangin
From: Heechul
He’s probably cheating on your right now 8DDDD

To: Heechul
From: Kangin
No, he’s NOT >_>

To: Chinaman
From: Kangin
MAKE YOUR LOVER SHUT THE FUCK UP! @_@

To: Kangin
From: Hangeng
Too scared to do it yourself?? 8DD

To: Chinaman
From: Kangin
Want *me* to fuck him instead of you?

To: Kangin
From: Hangeng
If Teuk’s not in the mood for sex that doesn’t mean you’ll just go and steal someone else’s boyfriend!

To: Chinaman
From: Kangin
I was so fucking wrong. There is *NO* good side of HanChul. You’re both bitches >_>

To: Kangin
From: Hangeng
PWNED 8DDDD

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
HYUNG T_T

To: Snow White
From: Heechul
Quick question! Would you ruin someone innocence if he’s practically asking for it?

To: Heechul
From: Kibum
You mean if I’ll help Hae to get Hyuk? Why not 8D

To: Snow White
From: Heechul
I knew I could count on you 8D

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Okay, okay, I will help U_U

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
OMG HYUNG I LOVE YOU <3

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Lesson №1: Never ever say that to anyone else except Hyukjae!

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Even to Kibum-hyung? T_T

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Especially to him!

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Even to Leeteuk-umma? T_T

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
No!

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Even to Kangin-appa? T_T

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
You’re fucking slow OTL

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
T________T

To: Fishy
From: Eunhyuk
Hey Hae, wanna hang out ^.^

To: Hyukkie
From: Donghae
I DIDN’T SAY TO HEECHUL-HYUNG THAT I LOVE HIM I SWEAR!

To: Fishy
From: Eunhyuk
W-what? T_T

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
Hyung, I think Hae is in love with Heechul T_T Can I die?

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
No, he is not. And no, you can’t die.

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
BUT.. T__T

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
LOOK!
[Forward] From: Fishy
I DIDN’T SAY TO HEECHUL-HYUNG THAT I LOVE HIM I SWEAR!

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
AND HE STOPPED TEXTING ME! HE HATES ME!

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
Are you two both idiots or something?!

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
D-do you hate me too T_T

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
FML! No, I don’t! Just give him some time. He’ll answer you ^_^’

To: MyPrincess
From: Hangeng
Heechul, I thought you should know how much I appreciate you! <33

To: MyPrince
From: Heechul
Aw bb, I know <3 I didn’t need lessons to get in your pants 8DD

To: MyPrincess
From: Hangeng
IKR xD

To: MyPrince
From: Heechul
But I think I will need some different kind of lessons tonight T_T

To: MyPrincess
From: Hangeng
OH, BB, I’M THE BEST TEACHER YOU’LL EVER HAVE 8D

To: MyPrince
From: Heechul
Can’t wait >D Brb, dealing with an idiot’s love affair.

To: MyPrincess
From: Hangeng
SAME OTL

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
I don’t need your help anymore. Everything’s over T_T

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
I didn’t text you for line 5 mins. What the fuck happened? >_>

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
[Forward] [Attached: 3 messages]

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Are you an idiot? OTL

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Maybe? ;(

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Text him back! Geez =.=

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
And say what exactly?

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
YES, I WANNA HANG OUT WITH YOU MORE THAN I LOVE MY LIFE

To: Hyukkie
From: Donghae
YES, I WANNA HANG OUT WITH YOU MORE THAN I LOVE MY LIFE

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
That was sarcasm. You got it, right?

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Is sarcasm a good thing?

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
FML!

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
HE TEXTED ME AGAIN! HE SAID HE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH ME MORE THAN HE LOVES HIS LIFE!

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
Wow, that’s a progress.

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
What do I do now?

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
Why the fuck do you ask me?

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
Because he mentioned Heechul in his text. That surely means you’re involved ^.^

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
Are you fucking kidding me????

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
Anyways, I’m confused now >.<

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
Do you like him?

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
Yes >///<

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
Then tell him.

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
AS IF! What if he’s not gay?

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
Yeah right..

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
Should I ask him?

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
Ye- Wait! No, you should NOT. Just confess, okay >_>

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
O.O

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
He’s waiting for a reply you know..

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
OKAY, BUT IF HE HATES ME I’M GONNA KILL MYSELF AND THEN TELL EVERYBODY IT WAS YOU

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
Yeah, do that smarthead >_>

To: Fishy
From: Eunhyuk
I need to tell you something..

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
HYUNG, IS THAT BAD???
[Forward] From: Hyukkie
I need to tell you something..

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
No, it’s not! Now is the time to tell him how you feel.

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Say what exactly? /taking notes

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
HYKJAE I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU SO BADLY. KISS ME NOW!!!

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Okay ^.^

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
You’re kidding me, right OTL ? Oh well.. this may actually help.

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
I’m confused now.

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
It’s nothing. Just wrong number ^.^’

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Okay ^.^

To: Hyukkie
From: Donghae
Actually, I have something to say to you too..

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
HE SAID HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME TOO

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
Congratulations U_U

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!1!

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
TEXT HIM BACK FOR FUCK’S SAKE. LISTEN TO WHAT HE WANTS TO SAY. OTL

To: MyPrincess
From: Hangeng
Oh, bb, I love you so much! You’re so smart and straightforward <33

To: MyPrince
From: Heechul
I LOVE YOU TOO, BB! And I think you know how to use your Korean better than *certain* idiots.

To: MyPrincess
From: Hangeng
IKR… OTL

To: Fishy
From: Eunhyuk
You go first..

To: Hyukkie
From: Donghae
But I’m shy, you go first!

To: Fishy
From: Eunhyuk
I’m nervous.. you go first!

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
Hyung, I think he’s gonna tell me something bad. He’s nervous!

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Forward me the messages!

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
[Forward] [Attached: 3 messages]

To: Donghae, Eunhyuk
From: Heechul
YOU BOTH ARE PATHETIC DORKS. TALK ALREADY FOR FUCK’S SAKE OR I WILL!

To: Hyukkie
From: Donghae
OKAY THEN. HYKJAE I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU SO BADLY. KISS ME NOW!!!

To: Fishy
From: Eunhyuk
OHMYGOD! ACTUALLY, I’VE LOVED YOU LIKE FOREVER!

To: Fishy
From: Eunhyuk
MY ROOM IN 5 MINS?

To: Hyukkie
From: Donghae
ON MY WAY!

To: Scary!hyung
From: Donghae
HYUNG, THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU!

To: Donghae
From: Heechul
Oh god, you’ll never learn OTL

To: Hangeng
From: Eunhyuk
Thanks for the help, hyung ^.^

To: Eunhyuk
From: Hangeng
LOL, finally! That took forever x’D

~

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU TELL DONGHAE?

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Nothing.. /looks away

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
WHY THE HELL I SAW HIM MAKING OUT WITH HYUKJAE BEFORE THEY LOCKED THEMSEVES IN HIS ROOM?

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Do I look like a person who know everything about the other’s love affairs?!

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
Yes.

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Okay, maybe he asked me how to get Hyukjae.

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
AND YOU HELPED HIM?

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
You sent him to me =.=

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
AND WTH IS THIS?
[Forward] From: Heechul
Fuck you!

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Well, you didn’t answer me..

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
YOU’RE SO GROUNDED!

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
What the fuck?! I’m not Ryeowook, you can’t ground ME!

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
OH YEAH? 8DD

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
I just locked Hangeng in your room and took the key with me. You should consider sleeping in Kibum’s room >D

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
WHAT THE.. YOU’RE PLAYING DIRTY WITH *ME*? FINE THEN.

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
Oh no, you wouldn't!

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Oh yes, I would 8DD

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
DAMN!

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
I was faster 8DDD Now Kangin’s locked in your room. You should consider sleeping in Kyuhyun’s room >D

To: Leeteuk
From: Kyuhyun
Oh, sleeping in my room is a no no, hyung.

To: Maknae
From: Leeteuk
How did you even..

To: Leeteuk
From: Kyuhyun
I just know everything, okay 8D

To: Umma
From: Sungmin
HYUNG, PLEASE DON’T INTRUDE ON MINE AND KYU’S PRIVATE MOMENT! TONIGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE well.. you know..

To: Umma
From: Sungmin
AND WE HAVE ONLY ONE BED T___T

To: Maknae, Sungmin
From: Leeteuk
Fine, fine.. Geez.. =.=

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
I don’t need Kangin anyway..

To: Kangin
From: Heechul
Dude, you’re so owned 8DD
[Forward] From: Leeteuk
I don’t need Kangin anyway..

To: Teukkie
From: Kangin
Bb, is that true T____T
[Forward] From: Heechul
Dude, you’re owned 8DD
[Forward] From: Leeteuk
I don’t need Kangin anyway >P

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
WHAT DID YOU DO? T_T

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Don’t blame your shit on me >.> 

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
=_=

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Let’s see who’s more childish now 8D

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
I meant cool.. Yeah.. cool! Fucking typos ^_^’

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
Okay, Heechul. You win. I’ll give your key back if you give me mine T__T 

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
I always win!! 8D

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
Go try Kyuhyun on Starcraft

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
No, thanks.

To: Heechul
From: Leeteuk
Living room. In 5 mins.

To: Leeteuk
From: Heechul
Deal.

Kim Youngwoon is now single.
- Kim Heechul likes this.
Kim Ryeowook Umma? Appa? Why ;____;
Kim Youngwoon Teuk doesn’t need me anymore
Park Jungsu That’s not true! Heechul’s just being mean T_T
Kim Heechul Yeah, right.. xD
Park Jungsu You’re not helping @_@
Choi Siwon Dislike!
Kim Jongwoon We all know Heechul can be a bitch. But Kyuhyun why would you like this?
Park Jungsu Kyuhyun, unlike it, now!
Cho Kyuhyun STFU, I’ll do what I want -_-
Lee Sungmin Kyu, unlike it T_T
Cho Kyuhyun Right away, bb <3
Lee Sungmin Thank you <3
Kim Heechul *facepalm*
Kim Jongwoon What the fuck..
Choi Siwon Don’t cuss! T_T
Kim Jongwoon What the hell..

To: Kyu <3
From: Sungmin
Thanks Kyu. I will give you a reward tonight <3

To: Min <3
From: Kyuhyun
Can’t wait 8DD ILY, bb <33

To: Kyu <3
From: Sungmin
I love you too <33

To: Kangbear
From: Leeteuk
I’m sorry T__T I didn’t mean it!

To: Teukkie
From: Kangin


To: Kangbear
From: Leeteuk
Forgive me? :3 Pleasee ;__;

To: Teukkie
From: Kangin
I just can’t stay mad at you *sigh*

To: Kangbear
From: Leeteuk
I’m coming to your room! <3

Kim Youngwoon is now in a relationship with Park Jungsu
- Kim Ryeowook, Choi Siwon, and 13 others like this.
Lee Sungmin Kyu, like it? :3
Cho Kyuhyun Okay, bb <3
Han Geng You too, Heechul!
Kim Heechul Why would I? :/
Han Geng Because I feel kinda hot. Maybe I will need you to help me with this problem?
Kim Heechul GDI, I’m liking this shit and coming right away 8DD
Henry Lau Ew, TMI!!! My innocence.. ;___;
Zhou Mi Henry bb we do that like *every* night..
Henry Lau Actually, you’re right xD
Park Jungsu TMI TMI TMI! Henry.. you too? T__T

Kim Ryeowook Nobody is going anywhere. Dinner first!
- Shin Donghee likes this
Kim Heechul Fuck no =.=
Cho Kyuhyun Can I skip? -_-
Kim Jongwoon Nobody can skip my bb’s dinner!
Park Jungsu Come on, everyone, on the table.. counting ‘till 3!
Kim Ryeowook It’s only me, Yesung and Shindong here, hyung T__T
Kim Youngwoon Teuk, I have an idea. It will work. Trust me 8D

Park Jungsu IF YOU ALL DON’T COME TO DINNER RIGHT AWAY I WILL JUST KICK YOU OUT OF THE DORMS AND YOU WILL GET EATEN BY FANGIRLS!
Kim Ryeowook Yaay, everyone’s here ^.^
Park Jungsu That’s better 8)
Lee Sungmin Was it just me or that was actually scary as hell?
Park Jungsu Sungmin, no using of Facebook on the table!
Lee Sungmin Okay.. T_T

Park Jungsu We’re all eating peacefully <3
Cho Kyuhyun You’re using Facebook! How could you scold Min?! @_@
Park Jungsu Shit..

Fin.



A/N:
Okay.. my second poor attempt in crack.
This fic was so rushed ide-
And it kinda sounds incomplete =.=
Actually, I didn't want to finish it.. ever, but lately I've been writing a lot of angst so I decided to try being cheerful at least once so I rushed it and I failed. Blah -_-

So I should stop with the pointless author's note now..

Yeah. Comments are highly appreciated ;)
Tags: !fanfiction, genre: crack, genre: romance, pairing: donghae/eunhyuk, pairing: hangeng/heechul, pairing: kangin/leeteuk, pairing: kyuhyun/sungmin, pairing: yesung/ryeowook, pairing: zhoumi/henry, rating: pg-13
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